The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health estimated that about 3% - 5% of the United States population is suffering from sexual addiction or sexual compulsivity. That's 15 million to 18 million Americans out of control with sex. And this is only a conservative estimate based on individuals who seek treatment. The number of people struggling with sexual addiction is growing at frightening rates with the availability of Internet pornography. No longer does the sex addict have to risk discovery by buying pornography in public. Today, a sexual fix is just a few clicks away. Sexual addiction has existed back as far as we have recorded history. However, our more modern understanding of this problem has developed only in the last two to three decades as huge number of lives and families have been affected by this addiction. Sexual addiction is a reality happening now in our society. The sex addict could be a co-worker, a friend, a partner, or a loved one that carries their dependency alone and in secret, hiding the shame, guilt, and fear of rejection in a lonely and isolated emotional existence. But, who or what is to be blamed for this rampantly growing social problem? Or do we just normalize sexual addiction as one of the inevitable issues that occur naturally in a man's life? Let us examine the possible culprits.
The sex addict
Yes, some would blame the sex addict for his own addiction. Certainly he is responsible for his own behavior, but did he raise his hand one day and say "Sign me up for a sex addiction!" Not very likely. A sex addict is one who has lost the ability to control his or her sexual behaviors and instead indulges sexual fantasies and a near constant search for a sexual "fix." He often seems powerless to resist the obsession even to the point of destroying his or her life, marriages, and other relationships. Sex addicts have little comprehension of the risks they take. Patrick Carnes, in his study about sexual addiction, found that sex addicts don't necessarily enjoy sex. Contrary to enjoying sex as a self affirming source of physical pleasure, the addict has learned to rely on sex for comfort from pain and for nurturing or relief from stress. The addicts themselves may not be able to understand why they are acting out sexually or why constant thoughts either of having sex with someone or compulsively masturbating fill their minds. Sex becomes the most important thing in their lives much like alcohol dominates the life of an alcoholic leaving little time for anything else.
The family
Studies reveal that a large percentage of sex addicts come from dysfunctional families. Patrick Carnes' research indicates that 87% of the families of sex addicts included more than one addict in the home and a majority of them grew up with some experience of physical, sexual, and or emotional abuse. The child grows up much like an adult in a little child's body only to become like a little child in an adult's body later in life. The future sex addict learned to self soothe as opposed to soothing with the comfort of a caring and consistent care giver. They learn to adapt to their life experience and to find comfort in sex. Sex addicts simply come from families that failed to meet their emotional needs and may have left them a family legacy of dysfunction. Thus, the family plays a critical role in the development of sexual addiction.
The Media
Should we not consider media as one of the triggering forces that lead one to sexual addiction? The media bombards us with images sexualizing men, women, and even children, espousing the concept that sex unleashes the full potential of a man or a woman. A study by The Center for Media and Public Affairs' found that sexual content is featured once every four minutes on network TV and that 75 percent of prime time television in the 1999-2000 seasons included sexual content. Substantial numbers of sex addicts point to their overexposure to sexual materials as a contributing factor to their sexual addiction.
The Internet
The Internet has become the most rapidly growing form of sexual acting out for many sex addicts. The Internet is a one-stop shop for the sex addict where he or she can access sexual content of an endless variety and engage in cybersex or view pornographic materials in isolation, with secrecy, and instant accessibility. In a study conducted among 932 sex addicts, 90% of men and 77% of women said pornography was significant to their addictions. More frightening is the impact the Internet is having on our children who are increasingly exposed to this content. The first generation of men and women raised with the Internet are now entering adulthood. This is a generation of people who were significantly exposed to age inappropriate sexual content at very early ages. It is a little scary.
Now, can we really blame the family, the media or the advent of the Internet for the rise in sexual addiction? There are many culprits that lead to a person becoming dependent on sex to get high, numb out, or escape in fantasy. These are some of the more important ones but unfortunately there are many more.
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